I looked at my own cervix.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
you never un-have a 4some
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
