Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
