well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
this is an emotional support booty call
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
