You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize