im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
