we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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