Pass out mid-funnel last night.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
