I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
