He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Who died my cat blue again?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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