her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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