It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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