So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
