When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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