sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
