Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
