I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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