"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
