this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
