Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
