Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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