dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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