Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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