My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
