i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
