So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
