Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
