Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
