this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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