you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize