we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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