how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
