Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It's just like the Real World with babies
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
