It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
True strength comes from lack of pants
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
