ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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