I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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