Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
