Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
