is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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