hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
farters have to be the big spoon...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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