yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize