ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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