the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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