I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I would fuck him just for his dog
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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