Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
