I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
