Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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