I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
