I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize