so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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