Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
