I'm so fucking centered right now
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
