You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
