i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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