I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
