Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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