Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
