i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize