I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize