hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
