im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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