brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
