First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
