i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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