Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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