my mouth tastes like poor choices
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
