i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
