I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
