i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
