Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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