I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
