I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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