dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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